Who Do Men Say I Am? A Harlot

{A harlot is an old-fashioned or literary term for a prostitute or a woman who engages in sexual activities for money. It can also be used metaphorically to describe someone who compromises their principles for personal gain.}

Some people miigggght call me a harlot.I can see the sentiment if you’re someone without common sense or any knowledge of me. I have written about my experience with plural love and discovering my own sexuality in my book. And if you’re someone that has seen me on social media, you might’ve seen me in a tank top and bonnet. None of that makes me a harlot, but I understand how limited people's opinions can be. If you’re someone that has known me through someone else, you might’ve heard a tale or two about my sexual exploits but lack the causation or gusto to ask me their validity. I understand that too. I guess that’s juicy to discuss - what someone else is doing with their body parts - that is. We can’t manage to allow people to navigate those waters for themselves, we must all give an opinion on such, right? Wrong.

Yes, I have enough sex to last a lifetime, for some. I have had the wildest and craziest sexual experiences of most of the world’s dreams. Like, the week I had 141 orgasms or the almost perfect way (to me) that I lost my virginity. I’m not ashamed of it. Sex is natural and healthy as long as you are taking the measures of safety along through your journey. And I, unfortunately, did not always do the right thing. I didn’t always choose the right person. I didn’t always put thought into the soul I was entangling myself with at that time. I didn’t always value myself.

And with all of that experience, I can guarantee you that I have never needed to have sex for personal gain. Good old fashioned hard work and the blessings of God have followed me all the days of my life and I have never had to resort to being a harlot. Not even the old marriage bedding required me to do such. I married a man that gifted according to his ego and tax bracket and that put me in the position to receive dozens of things I never asked for. I won’t complain about it. We worked together to obtain everything we both have now. My career has been an interesting one but I have worked very hard to earn my way around life.

I can’t say that I was ever given an advantage solely because of my proximity to anyone. I made my own way through life. There was no first car, no college or trust fund. No parent plus loan. I paid for most of my wedding, though there were a few things gifted to me.There was no silverspoon given to me. I studied for every test. Earned every degree and certification. I even created programs and processes that companies are currently making money from, though I’m no longer there. I have been at the helm of my own life. And I take responsibility for that - good and bad.

But, if I had ever been a harlot, God’s love would’ve redeemed me. I would ask to be listed between the ‘women at the well’ (John 4:1-42) and the ‘woman that wet Jesus’ feet with her tears’ (Luke 4:36-50). If I had ever been a harlot and redeemed, I would show my appreciation by devoting my life to following and being a benefactor for Christ (as Mary Magdalene). If I had ever been a harlot, I would give up the comforts of life to do His will. I would listen to Him. I would walk boldly for Him. I would tell the world about the many miracles He had performed in my life. I would help other harlot turn to a higher vibration and turn away from anything not of the divine. 

Any book that views women through the lenses of anything less than divine is a text that is filled with conjecture. We’d have to consider the rhetoric, author and purpose for the said text. But certainly, we wouldn’t take it solely upon face value.

And because I haven’t always been perfect, because I often have to ask for help from Him, I will still do the aforementioned. I have been. It’s hard, but I work at it everyday. Understanding that I will always need His mercy, I am slower to judge others and faster to attone for my own mistakes. Because I know that my assignment on earth is greater than my ego, I gave up a 20+ year relationship with an atheist or agnostic (still not sure on that one) to do the work I have been called to do. Because I want to be in His flow, I have managed to fight for my own personal faith, my entire life. I have ended associations with toxic situationships. I have turned away from familiar relationships. I have committed to living life similarly to a hermit, in order to be the highest version of myself that I can be at the time. I am not where I’m going to be, but I’m where I’m supposed to be right now.

But who would you rather learn from? Could a person like me, considering all that I have supposedly done in my life, give you hope about redemption? What if I give you a testimony on how many times my life has come within inches of death and been spared. Would that impress you? Have I told you that I’m a messenger for God? Would that somehow make me worthy of leading you to Him? I’ve fought people, in real life, and gone to jail. It’s been over 20 years since that happened - could that time gap redeem your opinion of me? I don’t even talk to people who might cause dysfunction of any kind in my life, today. Can you lend me the opportunity to pass a message from God to you? Or shall I pose myself as perfection, without sin?

Shall I lie to you and say that I have never done anything bad. Shall I tell you that I was a virgin on my wedding night? Would that change your thought of me? The truth is, God is not concerned with how I got to this point. He is more concerned that I am always working on my gift, not just when I’m unafraid to. I used to be worried about what people thought of my spiritual belief and I have concluded that because of my journey, God has chosen me for this time. Because I walk with God, angelic beings and my ascended ancestors, I am unashamed of who I was or who I am. Because I understand how the spiritual realm works, I am anointed for His purpose beyond public opinion. 

At conception, my hands were anointed to bless. I learned this as I nursed my father to better health during my parents’ divorce. My voice was anointed to change the frequency of any space. I learned that when I was less than 5 years of age. My spiritual eyes have always been sharp. What wasn’t? My belief in what I was seeing, both spiritually and physically. I have always had the gift of mediumship. I confirmed it with my father at age 19 when I clearly described ancestors I had never seen before from a dream. I have always been wise counsel. I just wrapped it up in a professional tone disguising it as business savvy when it was actually spiritual guidance. I came to this earth as a mother and teacher. And my momma told me that!

So what shall I render for the mercy of “the church”? What shall I render for the applause of the stadium? What more do people need to assert whether or not a woman who’s not afraid of showing her shoulders is someone worthy of carrying any precious assignment from the divine? 

My journey may be different and seem spooky but it is an anointed path. I have accepted it and prayerfully navigate life earning my way in both the spiritual and physical world every day. 

As I take this cup, I urge you to reserve your judgement for your neighbor and loved ones.